


waiting for love to change the world

by amemorymaze



Series: you're still a mystery [3]
Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Gender Changes, Alternate Universe - High School, Angst, Coming Out, F/F, Genderswap, Girl Direction, Sexuality Crisis, Sixth Form
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-27
Updated: 2015-07-27
Packaged: 2018-04-11 14:57:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,796
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4440233
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/amemorymaze/pseuds/amemorymaze
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><i>The door swings open and Harry, once again, feels all the breath leave her chest. She feels herself trying to catch herself before she stumbles into Louis’ outstretched arms. </i><br/><br/><i>She stops short as she finds her breath again, stops for a split second before that smile is stretching across Louis’ face. The toothy one where she bites her lip only very slightly, where her eyes shine bright - the glistening blue catching in the light of the sun. </i><br/><br/><i>The smile that breaks down everything inside of Harry, everything that she builds up in her head every time she leaves Louis’s presence just crumbles to the ground. The smile that just causes Harry to think; fuck it, before falling forward and letting Louis catch her in a hug. </i><br/><br/><br/>or, a story told through the seasons as harry finds her way around a brand new school whilst falling in love.</p>
            </blockquote>





	waiting for love to change the world

**Author's Note:**

> title is from everyone is gay - a great big world (who's album influenced this fic along with girls like girls by hayley kiyoko)

**autumn.**  

 

The last thing Harry had expected when she walked into her new school on the third of September with the heels on her boots clacking against the playground and her bag swinging over her shoulder was that she would fall in love.

But, love, as it is, surprises everyone.

 

 

 

For Harry, autumn is usually harsh winds as summer begins to fade. It’s downpouring of rain and slight glimpses of sun. It’s leaves beginning to turn into pretty reds and oranges before they fall from the trees.

It’s the damp dew that clings to blades of grass every morning that she steps out of her front door. Warm, heavy jumpers and her skinny jeans as she makes her way to school.

This year it’s different. It’s new sights and new places. It’s meeting people and making friends; recycling her old jokes and making her new friends laugh.

It’s that skinny, blonde girl called Niall, who will always laugh at her jokes no matter how stupid they are. It’s how Niall will shove her snapback on Harry’s head at lunch before slinging an arm around her shoulder.

It’s meeting the only other new girl, Zayn Malik, who has sharp cheekbones and eyes to get lost in. It’s how the three of them bond together, laughing as they share their lunch and get to know each other.

It is also, however, meeting Louis Tomlinson.

 

 

 

Fittingly, they meet in the music department, amongst the sheet music and empty mugs of tea. It’s with red cheeks and a flirty smile (on Harry’s part anyway) that they collide - literally - in the music cupboard.

Pieces of paper fly everywhere, raining down on them and all Harry can do is try to hold back her laughter; “Oops.”

The other girl laughs, “Hi,” she says.

And that - well, that’s only the beginning.

 

 

 

“Hiya,” Harry says as she strolls into the practice room with a slight skip to her step. She thinks that maybe she should be bashful and shy but, well, that’s never really been her.

“Ey’up, Harry,” Louis says, laughing slightly as Harry almost trips over her own feet; “Y’alright?

With a light blush on her cheeks and eyes wide open in embarrassment, Harry giggles, “Wonderful, fantastic, superb. You?”

“Fabulous, as always,” Louis grins before shuffling over on the piano bench, an invitation for Harry to sit down next to her.

She does with a slight blush on her cheeks and wonders if Louis knows that she’s bi; wonders if Louis’ heard. In a school this small, she supposes she already does.

“I’m not straight,” Harry blurts out just as Louis begins to play before squeezing her eyes shut. She’s not ashamed, she’s _not._ It’s just - she doesn’t want to have a reason to stay away from Louis when this - whatever it is - has only just begun.

“I heard,” Louis says, continuing to playing with only the slightest falter in the melody; “Top tip, Harriet, don’t tell your secrets to Michael Clifford.”

“That’s not my name,” she says automatically, her mind reeling, “And that was kind of the point.”

At that Louis does pause for a minute before smiling over at Harry with a cheeky grin, “Huh,” she says, “Clever - would never have thought of that.”

“I mean, it’s easier, right? Than having to keep repeating myself over and over again. That’s just exhausting.”

“I can’t even imagine,” Louis says before she grins to herself and Harry can almost see that light bulb go off in her head.

She starts to play and Harry laughs straight away, giggling as Louis begins to sing; _If you’re gay, then you’re gay, don’t pretend that you’re straight._

Harry feels so light and happy, grinning as she joins in on the chorus, their voices harmonising together as they sing.

_'Cause we're all somewhere in the middle, and we're all just looking for love to change the world._

 

 

 

She falls hard and fast, with only the smallest of kisses to the corner of her lips, a pink blush on her cheeks and her eyes blown wide, shining like stars. It’s with a soft giggle and a promise of _more_.

It’s in the autumn, with the leaves falling from the trees and the air cold and harsh, that she falls in love.

 

 

 

**winter.**

 

There’s the hint of snow in the air and the leaves have fallen from the trees that are covered in ice crunch as Harry steps on them.

She has a small smile on her face as she walks next to Louis through the fields behind her house. Their hands are interlocked, fingers twisted together swinging in between them. The cold is creeping through her clothes and sinking into her skin but there’s a warmth in her body just from being with Louis.

Warmth that’s spreading from where their hands are locked right to her toes and she can’t keep that smile from spreading across her face when Louis talks.

It’s winter and Harry’s in love.

 

 

 

“I think I’m in love, Nick,” Harry says, whispering into the phone late at night to her drunken best friend; “I think I’m in love.”

“Sorry to tell ya, but I’m gay, Hazza,” Nick says, his mancunian accent strong as there’s the distinct sound of all the background noise cutting out.

“Fuck off,” Harry says, “I’m trying to be serious.”

“I’m drunk and you’re trying to have a serious conversation…” He sighs and Harry knows that he’s rolling his eyes but she just laughs it off.

“You give better advice when you’re drunk,” Harry says, giggling at Nick’s noise of displeasure.

“If you hadn’t just told me that you, Harry Styles, are in love, I would definitely be hanging up on you right now,” Nick sighs, “Talk to me, babe.”

“She’s called Louis,” Harry says and she can’t help the way her heartbeat speeds up and how she grins to herself in the dark of her bedroom; “And, actually, you’d probably hate her, to be honest.”

“Not a great start there, Hazza, why would you like someone your best friend would hate?”

“No, wait,” Harry says, laughing quietly down the phone, “You’d pretend to hate her but actually really like her.”

“I - ” Nick starts but is cut off by a loud shout and a groan and Harry doesn’t even want to know. “Sorry, H, I’ve gotta go, I think - ”

“Don’t wanna know,” she says, sighing to herself, “It’s okay, I’ll ring you tomorrow, yeah?”

“Yeah, yeah, ‘course.”

And she thinks to herself as she hangs up the phone that It really sucks, sometimes, having your best friend be miles away at Uni whilst you’re stuck at sixth form half in love with a girl who’s smile is as bright as the sun.

 

 

 

The first time Louis kisses Harry - a proper kiss, not just a little peck on the cheek as if they’re on 90210 - is overwhelming to say the least.

It’s over the piano, fingers pressing on the keys to a weird beat that doesn’t sound all that great as they sing along to whatever comes to their minds. Laughing so brightly and carelessly as they get louder and louder.

It’s Louis throwing herself forward and catching herself on Harry’s lips. Pressing them together as her hands fall from the piano keys.

Eyes closed and sparks flying everywhere and Harry just goes with it. Move her lips in rhythm with Louis’ and presses herself forward, pulling her own hands from the piano keys and resting them on her waist.

She feels Louis everywhere, spreading through her veins, igniting her whole body.

Her mouth falls open as Louis traces her tongue on her lips, pressing it forward, tangling their tongues together.

It’s everything Harry wanted and more.

 

 

 

They don’t talk about it, is the thing.

They both pretend it’s not there; the spark that’s thrumming underneath the surface ready to ignite and ready to explode at any moment. It’s there lingering behind heated looks and light touches. It’s there in the little moments together and it’s there when they’re surrounded by their friends. They don’t talk about as they watch their best friends fall in love with each other and fall into each other.

Every night when Harry’s laying in her bed, duvet pulled up to her chest as she sprawls across the mattress, she tells herself that there’s nothing - that it’s all in her head. She pretendsand pretends hoping that maybe she’ll believe it. Hoping that those kisses don’t mean anything and never will mean anything.

It’s fun, is what it is. It’s just a bit of fun. (It’s a lie, a really fucking huge lie.)

But then there she is, standing on Louis’ porch with her hands tangled together as she waits for the door to open.

She can feel the hint of rain in the air, a downpour that’s waiting to happen, as she scuffs her converse on the floor.

The door swings open and Harry, once again, feels all the breath leave her chest. She feels herself trying to catch herself before she stumbles into Louis’s outstretched arms.

She stops short as she finds her breath again, stops for a split second before that smile is stretching across Louis’ face. The toothy one where she bites her lip only very slightly, where her eyes shine bright - the glistening blue catching in the light of the sun.

The smile that breaks down everything inside of Harry, everything that she builds up in her head every time she leaves Louis’s presence just crumbles to the ground. The smile that just causes Harry to think; _fuck it_ , before falling forward and letting Louis catch her in a hug.

 

 

 

“You don’t get to do that,” Harry says, her eyes hard and voice harsh; “You don’t get to kiss me and pretend like it’s nothing.”

“Haz - ” Louis begins, taking a step forward.

“You don’t get to fuck around with me like that, Louis,” Harry says, standing her ground because she’s so sick of this. So sick of it all.

“I’m not - ”

“Don’t,” Harry says and there’s tears in her eyes as she turns her back to Louis, trying (and failing) to hide from her, “You _are_.”

“I’m not gay,” Louis says, “I’m not gay, okay?”

Harry shakes her head and looks at the ceiling, “I don’t care, okay? I don’t care if you’re gay or not. You keep messing me around and you know it. Fuck - just… Can’t you think about me for a second?”

“What so I’m selfish now?”

“What?” Harry replies, turning on her heel, eyes confused; “Don’t twist my words, Louis. I didn’t say that.”

“You fucking implied it though, didn’t you?”

“I don’t think you’re selfish!” Harry almost shouts, “I just want - for one second - for you to realise what you’re doing to _me._ I’m bisexual, Louis, I’m not some experiment.”

Louis shakes her head and takes a step back.

“There are worse things you can do than fall in love with a girl,” Harry says, her gaze piercing Louis like a knife.

“I’m not in love with you,” Louis says and the scariest thing to Harry is the heat behind the words; the way that she _means_ what she’s saying.

And that’s all it takes, something so small in the grand scheme of things. Six little words that make Harry’s inside twist and her heart to drop to her stomach.

With her breath hitching in her throat, she doesn’t hide her emotions from Louis this time; doesn’t turn away just looks her in the eye and tries to ignore the pain blossoming through her veins.

“That’s all you had to say,” Harry says, desperately wishing she didn’t want to stumble forward and fall into those arms that have held her so many times. Wishing she didn’t want to lose herself in those lips and her eyes. Because she can’t - not anymore. Not ever again.

“That’s all you had to say, Louis,” Harry repeats before turning on her heel and throwing the door open and stumbling out; hiding her tears from anyone that may be hiding behind the corner and in the corridor.

 

 

 

**spring.**

 

It’s spring and the flowers are starting to bloom and the sun is shining in the sky, there’s the scent of rain - the smell of cleanliness and something _new_ \- in the air from the spring showers that fall so often.

The five of them are sitting on the school field, Louis throwing Skittles into Liam’s mouth, the two of them giggling together as Zayn watches with a smile on her face. Niall sits with her head resting on Harry’s shoulder, watching as their friends laugh at one another.

“What’s going on with you and Lou?” Niall asks, her voice curious but comforting.

“Nothing,” Harry says and even though it’s been weeks, it still hurts; “Nothing’s going on.”

“What was going on then?” Niall asks, her voice low so that the others don’t hear.

“Nothing, apparently,” Harry replies, closing her eyes and tilting her head back up to the sky; “I thought… I don’t know what I thought.”

“Haz,” Niall says, wrapping her arms around Harry’s waist, comforting in a way that makes her want to burst out into tears; “Love you.”

Harry just squeezes her eyes shut and rests her head on top of Niall’s, “Love you, too, Ni.”

It’s so tiring, pretending that she doesn’t care, that there’s nothing there. It’s hard pretending when they’re all together that Louis didn’t break her heart.

It’s spring and Harry’s tired.

 

 

 

She’s drunk - absolutely, completely wankered.

“Nicholas,” Harry shouts from where she’s leaning against the bar, “What did you want again?”

“Vodka coke,” Nick replies, laughing as Harry almost falls over.

“Can I get - ” Harry says, laughing as she feels Nick come up behind her; “Can I get a vodka coke and, uh - Nick get off of me - and a vodka lemonade, please?”

“Sure,” the bartender says, laughing as she watches Nick try and tickle Harry; “Ice and lemon?”

“Please,” Nick says, grinning, “H, you realise it’s like eight and we’re smashed?”

“Yep,” Harry replies in a giggle, letting Nick drape himself all over her; “It’s great, innit?”

“Yep,” Nick says, smiling as their drinks are pushed towards them and he hands over a tenner.

“Heyyyy,” Harry drawls, “I was gonna pay for that.”

“Too bad, Styles,” Nick replies, taking a sip of his drink. “Hey, isn’t that… isn’t that your friends?”

“What? No, they went to the cinema, they - ” She looks over her shoulder to find Niall grinning over at her before bounding across the pub to where they’re standing at the bar; “Niall,” she says, cradling her drink in her hand and taking a sip from the straw; “Niall, I’m very drunk, this is a bad idea.”

“Which one is she?” Nick asks before turning to Niall, “I’m Nick Grimshaw, by the way.”

“Oh!” Niall says, grinning, “Harry you didn’t tell us he was coming to visit!”

“Uh,” Harry says, eyes wide before mumbling; “Didn’t think, sorry.”

“Come on, H,” Niall says, grabbing Harry’s hand and dragging her over to the table Zayn, Liam and Louis had just sat down at.

“Hiya,” Nick says, sitting down on the seat next to Zayn, “I’m Grimmy, Harry’s mate.”

They all murmur hellos before introducing themselves whilst Harry sits next to Nick, drinking her vodka a lot faster than she probably should.  

Niall get’s in the first round of drinks as they all chat about nothing, the film they went to see that Harry can’t even remember the name of, Nick’s uni, school, nothing that Harry is remotely interested in as she tries to discreetly watch Louis.

“Going for older guys now, Harry?” Louis says after a lull in conversation and there’s something in her tone that’s plain spiteful and it makes Harry’s hackles rise.

Harry shrugs her shoulders and flashes a bashful smile; “What’s it to you anyway?”

With that, Louis gets to her feet, offering to buy the next round as she goes and Harry just sighs as she walks away.

“H,” Nick says quietly as the others eye Louis and Harry cautiously, “Not here, okay?”

“No,” Harry says, jumping to her feet, swaying slightly, “No, here is perfect, why not here.”

“Harry,” Nick says, trying to pull her back down but failing as she walks over to the bar, only tripping once in her drunken haste before leaning on the sticky counter next to Louis.

“Why do you care?” Harry says, rolling her eyes as Louis pretends to ignore her; “You don’t get to  ignore me for weeks and then act like you care.”

It’s enough for Louis to react. She faces Harry, eyes wide in surprise before grabbing her hand and pulling her out of the pub.

“You think I don’t care,” Louis says, “You think I don’t care about the fact that you come here and stroll around with your new boyfriend - ”

“Nick’s gay,” Harry laughs, half shouting, half crying, “He’s fucking gay, Louis.”

“He was flirting a lot for someone who’s gay,” Louis says back, rolling her eyes.

“He’s my best friend,” Harry says, before shaking her head; “You don’t even get to have an opinion here, Louis. You don’t even care.”

“I fucking care, Harry,” Louis says, her eyes bright, “Don’t you dare say I don’t care when I fucking do. You’re all I fucking think about.”

“Stop it,” Harry says.

“I’m in love with you,” Louis says.

And Harry just stands there in shock, in the middle of a car park as the sun’s beginning to set the girl she’s in love with tells her she loves her too.

It’s not enough.

Harry wipes at her eyes before turning on her heel and walking away.

Louis doesn’t chase her.

She doesn’t get far before she’s throwing up behind the bus stop, mascara running down her face as she cries to herself underneath the flickering streetlamp.

“C’mon, H,” A voice says along with a hand on her back; “It’s okay, it’s going to be okay.”

“No it’s not,” Harry says, throwing herself into Nick’s side as he holds her up with one arm, the other on his phone; “It’s not fuckin’ okay.”

“Yeah, it is,” Nick says, “Let’s get you home, yeah? We’ll get you home, you can have a shower and clean up and tomorrow we can watch Legally Blonde and talk about boys and girls being dicks, yeah?”

“Okay,” Harry says, hiccuping, “Okay.”

She doesn’t remember much past that point, if she’s being honest.

  


 

 

When Niall pulls her out to the playground in the middle of lunch the next Monday, Harry doesn’t know what she’s expecting.

What she’s certainly not expecting is to find Louis Tomlinson sitting at the piano that used to be in the practice room, smiling nervously at Harry before settling her fingers on the keys and playing.

A small laugh falls from Harry’s lips when she recognises the song Louis’ playing; a stripped down, slow version on A Great Big World, and she shakes her head.

Her hand is covering her mouth as she watches in awe as Louis sings along.

_If you're gay then you're gay, if you're straight well that's great. If you fall in between that's the best way to be, you've got so many options, every fish in the sea wants to kiss you._

It’s stupid and so very embarrassing and she can see Niall recording it over in the corner but - but it’s everything, is what it is.

Louis watching her and only her with her blue eyes, singing as the song starts to come to a close; _What if the world stops spinning tomorrow, we can't keep running away from who we are._

Louis, in the middle of the playground, amongst curious stares and small bouts of laughter at the bold declaration, stands on that piano, arms wide open as she grins over at a bashful, blushing girl, and says the words that have been stuck on the tip of her tongue for weeks now; “Harriet Styles, won’t you go to prom with me?”

“That’s not my name,” she says but she’s grinning nonetheless.

“That wasn’t a no,” Louis replies, smiling as if she already knows the answer to the question as she sits down on the lid of the piano, legs dangling against the back.

Harry steps closer, smiling down at the ground before looking up at the girl with those sharp, glistening eyes that soften when their gaze catches, “Because that was a yes.”

“Yeah?” Louis whispers, ignoring everyone around them, people laughing, their best friends cheering and clapping, a _finally_ from Stan, and only focus on each other.

“Yeah,” Harry says before reaching up on to her tip-toes and pressing her lips to Louis’.

It’s so very different from their first kiss, it’s so much more because this time there’s a promise behind it.

It’s spring; new beginnings, new starts and forgiveness.

 

 

 

**summer.**

 

With the early morning sun beating down on the back of her head causing droplets of sweat to start to form on her neck, Harry cycles down the oh-so familiar road. As she pedals down the deserted lane her hairs flows behind her, her speed helping it catch in the wind.

In her white shorts, black and white aztec crop top and vans with a soft smile on her face, she turns onto a driveway.

Flicking her hair from her face from where it’s blown in the wind, Harry jumps off the bike. She lets her bike fall to the fall in a way that would have her mum yelling at her; telling her to take better care of her possessions.

She just rocks on the balls on her feet, smiling to herself as she knocks the brass knocker in front of her. Her fingers are twisted together whilst she waits for the door to be answered and tries not to think of the butterflies that flutter in her stomach and how the breath gets knocked out of her on multiple occasions.

When the door swings open, there’s already a grin on her face and all she can do is reach forward, lean up and press her mouth to Louis’. Press their lips together in a kiss that’s awkward with too much teeth because they’re trying not to smile.

And maybe it’s something so small, maybe it’s not much, but to Harry it’s _everything._

It’s summer and the sun is beating down on their heads and they don’t have to go to school in the morning and Louis’ prom is coming up and maybe she’s moving to London come September but…

Harry’s got months ahead of her with her girlfriend on one side and her best friends on the other as they sunbathe in the summer sun and spend late nights drinking cocktails.

It’s summer and Harry doesn’t want to be anywhere else.


End file.
